The last 4 years or so have been a process of dismantling my perfectionism and fears. On Wednesday, Nelson Mandela Day, I got three much needed reminders of the fact that fear serves a purpose and is not a valid excuse.
Julie Foudy, a bad-ass of the highest order and a long-time hero of mine, moderated a panel at the Laureus Sport for Good Summit. It reminded me of her speech a few months ago at US Soccer’s She Believes Summit, when she urged the audience to heed Eleanor Roosevelt’s advice “do one thing everyday that scares you.” Then brought that advice to life with this "little kid ski jump pep talk" video.
Dr. John Carlos
Former USA Track & Field Athlete and 1968 Olympic Bronze Medalist
source: University of Delaware
On that panel was Dr. John Carlos, a legend in Sports and Social Activism. His words dripped with wisdom, but these two messages resonated most strongly with me. “You don’t have to go to the Olympics to step up. You can step up. There’s a responsibility for all of us to make this world a better place.” And “I want to applaud you, but you got to get up and make a move for me to do so.”
Caitlin Morris of NIKE’s Global Community Impact group shared about how fear has influenced her and how it limits girls and women in their personal and professional lives. “I let fear get in the way of my success…I wish that I had had a coach who could have helped me push through my fear and ask me the question ‘what’s the worst that could happen’?”
Once I was the fearless, empowered female athlete. Now however in my professional life and even in writing and nurturing this blog space, I know my fears have held me back. My fears have seemed like an ever-mounting and self-fulfilling obstacle. Sports are supposed to help girls learn to be more courageous. How come I find it so hard to call upon or harken that fearlessness after my athletic career?
I’d point to the fact that although my athletic experiences and maybe more especially athletic accomplishments and consequent validations, among other possibilities, gave me confidence and suppressed the fear. However, those experiences weren’t synthesized. I didn’t unpack those experiences. Namely, I’m not sure that I gained understanding from those experiences as to what tools I actually used to overcome the fear in the past. I’m not sure how I actually did it. I’m not positive that anyone around me did either. Training for emotional management was non-existent in my experience given how much support and guidance are wrapped around college athletics. For the numerous mentions of mental toughness - never was there a discussion on how to manage, or better yet, how to harness the fear before matches, fear before fitness tests, the anger or disappointment after losses or “f*ck-ups”. From that void, I inferred that I should just “figure it out yourself” or “you either get it, or you don’t.”
So let’s jog back to Wednesday and the beginning of this entry. Those messengers of fearlessness and courage (Foudy, Morris and Dr. Carlos) reminded me of the lessons of my own journey, that four-year journey of dismantling. That my fear has purpose and I can't let it hold me back. I must take action DESPITE my fears. The messengers inspired me to step up and share how I harness those fears, so one else feels like they have to figure out it by themselves. This is me stepping up. This is how I do it.
[Cue "little kid ski jump pep talk".]
Source: UK2NZ2NC2UT on Youtube
• The uncomfortable only gets more comfortable if I practice being uncomfortable. So practice. That's how I'll get better at things.
• Fear is just an emotion that will not kill me and emotions are information. Fear serves me by signaling that I'm alive and have an opportunity that my life is screaming at me to pay attention to.
• Fear is just a love and service blocker. Don’t let it stop me from stepping up.
• If I pay attention or stay open, walk through the fear, get to the other side and see what’s there, usually something pretty cool is on the other side.
[Cue the “little kid ski jump pep talk” celebration!]
Source: UK2NZ2NC2UT on Youtube